My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
