but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I deserve this hangover.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
