so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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