he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
