That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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