On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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