at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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