his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
