Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
