that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
