Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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