4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
