I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
