She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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