I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Sorry my hands just texted you
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
