What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
