that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
