I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
