If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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