so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
