I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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