i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
