Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
