theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
