I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
