i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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