wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
