There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
