i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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