apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
