Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My pussy is not your playground.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
