i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
His nipple licking is glorious
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