Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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