My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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