I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
