so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
