Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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