Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
