you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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