Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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