It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
