He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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