hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
