This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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