Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
