This girl is more easily done than said...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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