Who wears a wallet chain?!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
