Where is the hickey?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
