I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
