if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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