Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
