i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
