Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
