Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
