Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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