Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
pop tarts are not kleenex
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
